Power of relationships

Yes, there's so much power in relationships and yet they are the most neglected and misunderstood.

In the previous article I shared questions that people need to answer for themselves before they engage with others, if you haven't seen that article, click here to read it

In order for one to gain more understanding on what relationships are, let's start here:

What is a relationship?

It must be first noted that the word itself is made up of two words namely "relate" and "ship". Relate is how you engage or communicate with others and also share yourself with others. Ship is a mode of transport that takes you from point A to B. 

Put together it is relat-i/on-ship. 

Meaning that it a vehicle that helps you learn how to relate with others. In this vehicle you get to know yourself better while you learn about others as well. 

Put simply, a relationship is a place of meeting and growing yourself.

What makes them so complicated, then?

It is not understanding that any relationship you find yourself in is meant to bring you awareness about yourself. Both the person you think you are and the person you think you are not. 

And, because many of us think very highly of ourselves and don't want to accept the other part of ourselves - the bad side (shadow self),  a relationship becomes a very bad space to be in especially if it exposes this dark side of yourself to you.

We then hate the people who brings out the worst in us, thinking that they are the reason we're feeling somehow, whereas they are bringing to your attention the hidden, neglected or rejected aspects of yourself.

Instead of integrating this part of ourselves, we then blame the person who is amplifying to us. We believe they are the worst thing that has ever happened to ourselves, whereas they are a blessing in disguise

How can something that brings me pain be a blessing in disguise?

I say, this because, you becoming aware of this aspect of yourself is a blessing not only to yourself but all around you. Because the greatest tragedy in one's life is walking around thinking you are something else whereas the people around you experience you differently than you think of yourself. 

For example, you can only know there's a problem with your teeth especially if you don't normally take good care of them when you get a toothache. At that moment your body is signalling to you through pain that there's something that needs your attention 

The same applies with pain we experience in relationships, our spirit is communicating with or to us that there's something within ourselves that needs our urgent attention.

But because we get so consumed with blaming the next person, we miss the most important part of what we are meant to learn about ourselves at that given moment which is growth from A to B. Meaning you can't  remain the same person after each and every relationship you've been.

Can you then be in a wrong relationship or be with the wrong person?

The short and painful answer is NO. You are never in a wrong relationship. 

Every one you meet in your life, either through business, friends, family, colleagues, church members, stokvel member, including your possessions (money, cars, house, clothes, you name it) it is all happening the way it is supposed to, to help you get to know certain things about yourself, things that are both harmful or good for your well being.

You know what is funny is that it is very rare where we appreciate or congratulate people when they bring out the good in us, we normally take all the credit. 

For example,

if you are a parent and your children are well behaved, who takes the credit for that? In most cases than not, it's you. But the minute they misbehave it has got to be someone else, the father, the mother or friends, right?" 😀

So yes, you can never be in a wrong relationship no matter how bad you think it is. Whatever you find yourself in actually is good for you because at that given moment when you are in pain, that situation forces you to take a step back and reflect on things like what got you in that position in the first place, why does it hurt so much, etc.

I normally ask my client's to do the following whenever they are in pain:

Take a deep breath in and out for 5 minutes, then sit with a pen and paper and write out the answers to these questions:

What is hurting me about this situation that I'm in?

Why is it hurting?

What do I want to have happened instead?

Why do I think it should have happened that way?

What do I think is the reason it didn't happen like I thought it should?

Answers to such questions help you gain understanding of the real reasons behind the pain. 

If you can understand the power your relationships possess for you, you'll never find yourself in a situation where you need to be deleting people in your life. I know this is what you are encouraged to do, but this only give short term relief and one way or the other what you didn't process will definitely come back to get your attention.

Because you take yourself with everywhere.

Even the Bible says that "everything works for your good"

You know what's interesting especially for people who are Christians like myself, we are the ones who have forgotten that the very same Christ we follow knew very well the caliber of his disciples, who will deny him, who will sell him out, etc. and yet he kept them along his side, why? Because they had to learn something through  and from him. He had to lead by example showing us how to be the light in the dark instead of wanting to be a light in the light. Yet now when it is our turn to put into practice what we've learnt about him, we want people to change and be a certain way in order for us to be happy? 

It is how things were meant to be.

That's why we can never do anything by ourselves. We need each other, those bad friends to teach you how to discern next time, that bad relationship so that you know a good one when you have it. Those business partners who robbed you off your business because now you know how to screen or vet people. Now you are aware that you must put contracts in place so that you protect yourself. That mother or father who never approved of anything you do, because she/he taught you how to stand for yourself and believe in yourself.

What if you didn't or do see it this way?

Yes, it is very possible that you'll find yourself in the worst position where instead of seeing the good you end up losing yourself altogether, you end up hating  yourself because you ended up believing all those mean things you were told, then when you are in that position, then you've got to ask for help. Get yourself a coach to help you navigate yourself out of that situation because it is never easy to do all this by yourself.

I'm available to help you out of that situation, for more information about myself, read here

You know what I've noticed with most of my clients, is that just getting clarity about why you are going through all that is happening, changes everything. Book a discovery session by sending email or WhatsApp to: portia@theloveacademy.co.za. or 084 299 7299

Let's look into that situation of yours because I can guarantee you that things are not what they seem with the naked eye, and they are not as bad as they seem. But if there's physical abuse that is  a no no, got to the police immediately.

If you forget anything you've read here, remember this one thing:

The  most important relationship is the one with yourself because through it stems success of your business, friendships, money etc.

Pay attention to the most important asset in your life - You 🙏💙