What is your sex life saying about you and your life?

With the lock-down happening almost everywhere around the world, and now here in SA. I thought I should share this with you, to help you improve your engagement levels during this trying time 😍

Sex is a very great tool to communicate as well use as a reflector about your life

How, you could be asking?

Let me start by reminding you of the different types of communication. There's written, verbal, non-verbal, i.e. body language. 

So, when you are having sex, you’re communicating using our body. You are communicating to the next person your wants and desires using the body.

It is therefore important to understand that sex is another way to express yourself to the next person without using words

As to what you are communicating to the next person at that stage is entirely up to you and NOT the next person

Question to ask yourself as you engage in sex are?

 “What am I saying to this person about myself?” 

“What do I want him/her to know about me during or through this engagement?”

This mind frame changes the whole ball game all together on how you engage yourself during sex.

It no longer becomes about the other person but about YOU to them. Once you start adopting this mindset then you won’t feel used like most people do or have been without this understanding.

What happens within you before, during  & after sex?

1. Emotions -  what goes on within you? Do you feel any excitement, resentment, anger, frustration, sadness, etc?

2.  Personality - are you the creative, flexible and spontaneous type, always looking to try and do different things? Or are you one for the same place, same time, same style type of person?

3. Feelings - when you are woken up at night (those who have #wake-up partners), how do you feel? Do you see this time as an opportunity to engage with the next person, or do you like me get angry you’ve just been disturbed from your peaceful sleep? 😊

4. Thoughts - when thinking about the person you are doing it with or the one you are about to do it with, what thoughts occupy you about the person? Do you think, he/she is so boring and wish you could be doing it with somebody else? Do you perhaps think, he’s just clueless and don’t know what he’s doing - ladies? Do you think about your ex who did it better than the current or vice versa – comparing? Do you wish he/she was somebody else altogether?

5. Engagement level - during the act, are you fully engaged in it and thoroughly enjoying yourself during whole process or are you the one who thinks about the finish line and not fully engage throughout?

6. Goal - what happens when you don’t get to the finish line (orgasm)? Do you get disappointed, angry or you still feel fulfilled because throughout the act you were fully engaged (mind, body and soul). If you do reach orgasm, do you show gratitude by thanking the next person, or you keep quite or do you turn you back on the other person showing signs of being disinterested?

7. Commitment - do you stick to one partner and try different things with this person or have multiple partners trying different things with them? If you have multiple partners, do they know that there’s others? How are each of them serving your well-being?

 Do you understand what sex is?

Sex is a process and a tool for CREATION.

Through it, generations and seeds are multiplied to keep human species alive in this world.

It is not only the human beings, but even the emotions and energies through which we live by are kept alive through this very same process of creation.

How does it serve as a reflector about your LIFE?

How you answered the questions above, can easily help you identify how you do in other areas of your life. Yes, you heard right 😀

Compare your answers below with what you answered above:

 When you think about your LIFE – all areas (marriage, love relationship, friendship, family, health, job, business, money etc) 

1. Emotions - how do you feel in these areas? Compare your answer to how you answered the above section

2. Personality - how flexible are you to try new things in life? How creative are you in your life to make it colorful? Do you easily adapt to change or resent change?

3. Feelings - When asked to do something out of your comfort zone or when something disrupts your routine, how do you feel? Do you see this as an opportunity to engage in something new and different for your growth or resent or discard the opportunity?

4. Thoughts - when you think about the person you are with now, what thoughts comes to you about the person (judgement, empathy, excitement)? Do you compare him/her to others? HOW ABOUT YOURSELF, how often do you compare yourself to others? How often do you look at others and judge them thinking you can do better than them if given a chance? Do you find yourself wishing you were somebody else or in another person’s shoes and not yours, having that person’s life and not yours?

5. Engagement - when embarking on something (project, business adventure, goal), how do you engage in it. Are you the person that gets excited throughout the process (ups and downs welcomed), or you are those that only gets excited when they get to the finish line (results), throughout the journey of acquiring whatever, you are completely out of tune (disengaged)

6. Goal - if you get different results than you expected (disappointments that points you to a different direction), how do you respond? Do you feel content that you were fully engaged in the process and therefore have learnt valuable lessons throughout the way, or you bit yourself up because you feel that you could have done better?

7. Commitment - do you stick to one thing and get fully engaged in it to make sure you get it right, or do you have many more other things happening at the same time? If more, how are all of these things of value to you?

I'm sure you get the idea of the point I'm putting across to you, that how you do one thing in your life, is highly linked to how you do other things.

I could go on and one, but I’ll leave it here for today.

One thing to remember is that there's no right or wrong answer here, this is just to help you understand how sex serve as a communication tool as well as a reflector to you about yourself. 

As you engage going forward especially now that you've got even the time to think about it, ask yourself this:

What is my current sex life reflecting to me about me about how I show up in life?

Thank you for stepping by. Please leave a comment and share with your loved ones.

Should you wish to engage with me more privately on this matter, please do email: portia@theloveacademy.co.za

And if for whatever reason you're not happy with what came up for you and would like more assistance with changing that, please do reach out. Find out more about me here

Much love

Corona virus; a blessing or a curse for your relationships?

Everything that happens in this world has both the negative and positive aspects to it. But because we have what is called a "free will", we then choose what we want to lean more onto.

What does this mean?

This means  that as an individual you choose and decide which side of the fence you want to lean on more. Do want to lean more onto the negative aspect of things or the positive aspect of things?
The great thing is that both of these live within the same experience.

Meaning that every experience you have has both the positive it brings to your life as well as the negative.

What matters to you as an individual is that you get to choose which side of the coin you want to be on.

These two aspects represent either love or fear. This calls you to thoroughly look at your situations beyond what is currently happening and decide what are you going to allow to take over your life

Now, let's look as to how this virus can be a curse or blessing for humanity?

Curse, to mention just a few;

Socialization which has come to be the most common and trending thing lately, is literally banned meaning that those that are depending on being out there socializing with others are now going to find themselves more bored which can result into many more cases of depression

For a partner who's always used being out there socializing as a way to escape challenges in the home front, they're are already seeing all the worst possible things that are going to happen in their life, and this could lead to more and more people committing suicide or being depressed

Mass gatherings - for most people especially those who go to church to fuel themselves for the week ahead and depend on this for spiritual upliftment, are going to be challenged more than ever, just like someone who depends on drugs when it's not available they get more sick. 

What about our funerals and weddings (black people) that have gotten to be the best place to meet old friends and family?

School closure - kids staying at home all by themselves. Many parents as it is are truly upset because we are always challenged during school holidays, what more now that it's not planned for? What about the food that we always complain about that these kids eat the whole day when not at school. 

These are just a few things that can send one into panic and worry because we have become so accustomed to have things happen a certain specific way and when disaster's like corona hits our world our lives can be really turned up side down. 

What happens if you give in to fear than love?

You become anxious, stress levels increases, blood pressures increases and you end up losing more money to treating diseases that came as a result of this, which will in turn affect your pocket (financially) and eventually affect your well-being in homes because where there's financial and physical turmoil your happiness levels decreases and so is the well-being of society at large

Blessing;

Looking at the very same examples above, let's see how this pandemic can be a blessing

Socialization - this calls us to find other ways and means to socialize with our communities. Now that we can't be on Instagram posting about where you're and who you are with, maybe it's time to post to the very same community and share with them what ideas you've come up with to spend your time 

For the partner who has a partner that was using socializing as an escape and are now forced to be home more than they wanted, how about instead of being happy their "sporo is damaged" 😀 think of ways you can spend time together. Maybe buy yourself play cards like those from Pure Romance that has different things you can do like "pillow talk, action, tell me more about what you think..... etc. I don't see any relationship that will not recover from the dead after all this play and fun while getting to know each other better emotionally and sexually? Talk to me if you want these and I'll hook you up 😍 

Mass gatherings - instead of being stressed that you won't have your fuel charge for the week because there won't be church, how about you find more creative ways to keep yourself spiritually recharged daily. Ask yourself "what practise can I adopt now that I can do daily for about 30 minutes to keep myself uplifted. 

As for church, maybe it's time we relook at the current traditions we've created around church. It's time to think of other ways of keeping the congregants engaged with the word of God more than depending on those instruments and 30 minutes powerful sermons. Maybe it's time we relook as to how we can equip our fellow congregants on a daily basis with tools that can help them not to depend more on the pastor or leaders but on God throughout?

School closure - I know this is a huge one for most parents especially our kids safety within the communities we live in. But I'm of the firm view that this is the time you are called to trust your kids as well as your parenting skills. It's time to elevate your faith that your kids are more than capable to look after themselves. I mean most parents can't even allow their kids to make food themselves because of the fear that they'll either burn the house down and end up eating poison that might kill them. My question to all of us parents is "when are you going to allow yourself the freedom to trust beyond what you don't know?" Maybe it's time your kids showcase to you what they truly are and what they are already capable of. You'll be surprised what you'll learn during this period. Who knows that you've been stressing about too much workload around the house only to find that you've got all the help you've always wanted but didn't know because you didn't allow it in 😀

Look at the benefits of allowing love instead of fear:

More quality time with your partner, which will help improve your communication skills within the relationship and with this your sexual life will improve which will in turn boost your immune system and which is needed in order for the virus to stay out of your body. 

Because of less travel to all over these gatherings you're constantly having, you'll have more money in your pocket to do the many other things you thought you couldn't afford. And when there's money and fulfillment there's more happiness which will result in a better world we live in. What about your kids learning how to be responsible for themselves and be less dependent on you, that means more time for you to do the things you've always wanted to do but complained about not having time for?

I believe this illustrate very well how you can either allow what you see happening around you as a curse or a blessing.

I didn't go into detail on the infectious nature of the virus which is what is being perpetuated all over the media by choice. Because I always choose to look at things beyond what is being reflected. Because at the end of the day, no hype or panic will help your well being but choosing to look beyond what you see which is exercising faith will help you a great deal.

So what is gonna be? Are you going to choose to look at your reality and be miserable about it or are you going to create beautiful memories out of the same reality?

The choice is always yours

I choose Love, and you?

Thank you for stopping by, I hope to hear from you by posting a comment and most importantly share this with all your loved ones

You are never with a wrong partner!

Yes, you heard right. Let me put it in another way, there's no such thing called a "wrong partner" 😀
As painful and as wrong as this may sound to you but it is the truth

What's funny is that some of us have kids with these people we call "wrong partners", what does that say about these kids since the DNA of that wrong person runs in them too?😀😀

Which is why I maintain that there's is no such thing as a wrong partner

Why do I say this?

It is because in this life, nothing happens by coincidence and nothing that is happening or has happened  in your life is a mistake.
This includes all the people that you have been and are still going to be with, you didn't meet them by coincidence. They all came to your life to help you learn certain things about yourself.

What do we term "wrong partners"?

It is those people that bring the worst in us. It is those people that work you up the wrong way and make you see, do, say or even wish terrible things on others. They bring up a side of you that you don't like and/or are not even ready to meet.

What do I mean by this?

The reason you think and believe they are wrong for you is because of the way they behave and what they do to you which results in you feeling a certain way within yourself, i.e. angry, hurt, frustrated, etc.
A question you miss asking or answering for yourself every time you are in that situation is: "why is it that what they are doing or not doing affecting me so much.?"
I mean it is them that is doing or not doing it and not you, then why are you the one feeling these feelings or going through those emotions?
It is because these feelings and emotions are signalling to you that something inside of yourself that you hold onto so dearly is not serving you. This could be from beliefs, contracts/agreement that you made with yourself as result of what you saw happening in front of you, to those around you.

Or maybe that you were pre-conditioned to see and expect life to be a certain way. But now those conditions that you were told are the right way of being or doing are not applicable to you.

Instead of allowing yourself to see these things in you, know them so that you can either change accept them, you resist their existence in your life. And when the people that are brought into your life to help you see these things so that you can heal them, you say they are wrong for you.

What are some of the beliefs we hold that makes us see people as wrong people?

"Men are dogs"
"Women are complicated creatures"
"Men don't want to grow up"
"Women are sluts"

As if there's something wrong with being a dog. I mean we have different types of dog breeds - you just need to know the type of a dog you are with. But most importantly know what type of a dog you want. Don't expect a wild dog whose nature is to be on the wild chasing springboks be a pet dog. It's just not in it's nature. There are people who would love this type of a dog you are with  you know😀

Life and existence is complicated. Do you sit and complain about why you don't know and understand how other things work, like how you are breathing as in now? No, you don't. But you want to understand everything about women? Do you even understand everything about yourself?

It is such things that are making us have miserable relations with others. Because we have unrealistic expectations about things that not in our control.

What to do if you feel or think you are with the wrong partner?

1 - Reflect
What got you in that relationship in the first place?
Why did you choose to be or agree to be with that person in the first place?
2- Question
Your decisions about being there in the first place?
Why you think there's something wrong with this person?
What is wrong with what you are thinking about this person?
3 - Decide
Now that you know all that you know about yourself, what are you going to do about it?
Are you going to do what you've been doing - which is jump to the next ship? or
Are you going to start clearing and healing those aspects of yourself that are hidden from you?

My suggestion to you is - decide to start clearing and healing the aspects within yourself that are even attracting this caliber of people so that you can start appreciating and valuing their presence and existence in your life.

Because, everything that you've been through and you are still going to go through is exactly what you need at any given moment.
In fact, you agreed to it 😂😂😂

My mission in this life is to help you through your journey of love. Help you see the beauty of life as is not what you think it should be or should have been. Which is why I wrote an article not so long ago sharing what I believe love is, you can read all about it here

Instead of sitting and talking about the problem and how those partners have been or are a problem in your life, find a solution that is already within yourself about the very same problem you have

Not sure how do to that?

Reach out to me and I'll gladly assist you with understanding and getting clarity about why you are even having all those experiences in your relationship

Praying about it wont help, fasting for it wont help, but being a solution  is the answer

Do you now see or understand why God hasn't answered your prayers? It's because you want Him to change your guy's plans and he can't do that because you agreed to do it. You might as well start NOW.

The question is: 

"Are you ready to meet the other part of yourself that is being brought out by these wrong people you've been or are with in your life?"

Unfortunately, they don't need to change but you do.

😍😍😍