Sexually transmitted trauma - what it is and how to heal it

Can trauma be sexually transmitted, for real?

 The simple answer is YES it is. Actually this is the most powerful and yet subtle way to transfer trauma amongst individuals. 

As we all know, sex is powerful and it is a creation energy. We were all created from it. 

For you to understand how powerful sex is, just take a look at the stats on the pictures as to how quick it was to build an app in just 19 days which other people did over years. 

Does this mean we shouldn't be having sex in fear of getting trauma from others through it?

No, that's not what we're promoting or saying in this article. All we are doing is helping people understand what it is that they're getting into as they engage in sex.

First thing that you must be aware of is that you don't know what is going on in the other person's life. As much as sex is fun and very exciting to have, we must also understand the power and impact it has on us.

When you are engaging in sex with the other person, you must be aware of the energy you are exchanging. For an example, you shouldn't be having sex if you are angry all in the name of keeping the peace or out of obligation (especially married women). Because at that stage the energy that is active in you, is not of having fun or pleasure, but of resentment and anger. You don't really want to do this but are doing it because you believe you have to and you also fear that if you don't then the man will leave you and find someone else. 

So, instead of you exchanging the fun/pleasure that you should be or are thinking you are exchanging, you are actually exchanging fear, etc. And if you are a man and you're thinking I'm doing this to prove that I'm a man and  that I've slept with her too or many girls ("ngimshayile naye" as they normally say), at that point you're not really exchanging the pleasure but unworthiness. Because the real reason or motive behind you having this sex in the first place is prove a point.

Just like those who wants to just release, at that point you must be aware that you're using sex as a escape. And whatever it is that you are escaping from will be multiplied just by you being inside of that woman. Because a womb is like an oven or a yeast, it increases or multiplies whatever it is that it is receiving. 

You'll then wonder why certain things keep happening in your life or you're busy going around in circles on one thing, it is the energy you keep exchanging unconsciously as you engage in sex. 

The mere act of sex says a lot about you, I wrote an article on this too, you can read it here

So the next time you are engaging in sex, ask yourself "what am I transmitting here?"

What then happens to all the traumas we received sexually?

We need to cleanse ourselves of them. It is said that sexually energy stays for 7 solid years within one's energetic field if not cleared intentionally. Things becomes even worse or takes longer if there's a child who was conceived.

For women, if you're still getting your periods, you can use that time to cleanse off all these energies. If you are not getting your monthly periods or are a man, you need to do a cleansing ritual as often as possible, at least once a year. 

If you want to get more information as to how to cleanse using your periods or what ritual to do, you can make contact with me here

In a nutshell as beautiful and powerful sex is, we need to use it to serve our highest good than just engaging on it unaware on what we are doing. 

Trust this article was of value to you, we would like to hear from you, please comment or email on portia@theloveacademy.co.za

Much love

The dynamics of a parent child relationship with love relationships

 As indicated in the previous article, our relationship with our parents plays a very big role in how we express or show up in our love relationship in our adult life. Read all about it here

Now there's this thing going around giving an impression that this parent child relationship causes more problems than anything else in a relationship. 

This article is meant to help you understand what are the dynamics of a parent child relationship within your love relationship or any relationship for that matter.

What is this parent child relationship, what does it mean exactly?

This is a concept that many of us recognizes especially when there's conflict or challenges within a relationship. Where you'll hear one using statements like "she/he doesn't want to grow up", "I feel like she's mothering me" or "He acts like my father".

Many times we use these statements when things are not going well and there's huge problems within a relationship.

But what I'd like us to know is that any form of a relationship is made up of a parent child dynamic. Meaning at any given time you're either playing a role of a child or a parent within a relationship. This is what relationships are for in the first place. 

In a partnership you are taking on either a child or parent role. And this we interplay throughout by even exchanging these roles depending on what situation we are in at a time.

So you tell me that in my relationship I either a parent/child?

The simple answer to that is YES. 

What we need to understand though is what type of a parent or child are you within your relationship or at any given moment or situation in your relationship.

Are you that nagging child who cries and throws tantrums at every chance they get or are you just a playful, happy and explorative child?

Seemingly, what type of a parent are you? Are you that domineering, strict and my way or the highway type of a parent?

Or

Are you the supportive, loving, kind, disciplinary type of a parent?

This is very important to know as it will give perspective on a type of relationship you're having if it's a loving and healthy one or is it the wounded one.

How do you tell/know which one are you?

If you find yourself in a space where you're fighting more and having more arguments than good loving fun times in your relationship, then you must know the both of you are showing up or expressing the wounded parent child relationship. Meaning you're currently expressing your pain or trauma you either endured as a child from your own parent or you're playing out what you observed between your own parent(s) which hurt you. 

How does one change this around, is it even possible?

Yes it is very possible to change your situation and the first thing to do is acknowledging your role and what you're expressing. This is called self-awareness. This is a key to a doorway to finding and receiving help when one acknowledges their part more than that of their partner. 

The biggest problem with many relationships is that people never recognizes themselves but more what their partner is or not. 

If you want to get the balance or correct the imbalance, you have got to recognize yourself first. It is more like putting your own mask first before giving it to another person or trying to save the other.  If you're prone to saving the other person first which is what most people do within their relationship, you're bound to have disaster or even die within that relationship. We had a great conversation with Aubrey the other day on radio on this subject, listen here for more information and perspective

If you find yourself drowning more and more in your relationship or find that you keep meeting the same person you thought you left home either at work or in business, please do book yourself a session with me here so we can help you with that situation.

At the end of it all, there's definitely nothing wrong with parent child relationship unless there's an imbalance and you're showing up more as your wounded self. That's when you need to seek help. 

Other than that, enjoy those dynamics because we do need those aspect of ourselves in order to build strong healthy sustainable homes and families.

We'd like to hear from you, comment below or send us an email on portia@theloveacademy.co.za or contact me via Whatsapp here

Take care

Much love