Before you say " I DO"

I know this statement is always used when we are talking to couples that are about to get married. This we use when we give them guidance about the institution they are about to get themselves into.

Well today, I'd like us to look at both instances when we actually do say "I do" in a relationship and what you are agreeing to at that given moment

When is the first time you say "I do"?

When you agree to allow that person to be part of your journey. You see at that stage when they actually ask you out and you agree to be the girlfriend/boyfriend, you've just engage on the first part 

You may be thinking already, "no, it's not the same thing"

But it is the same thing only at different stages of the relationship

The second part is what we already know when people are actually asked to reaffirm their decision in front of everyone else, this time committing to a lifetime, i.e when the two get married. 

What are we agreeing to when we say " I do?"

You are agreeing to have certain experiences with this person at a given moment. I refer to experiences because on the previous article, I explained what really love is. To gain more understanding of what I'm saying here, it would be good to read this article

What do these experiences entail?

Laughter, tears, peace, fights, misunderstandings, great understandings, good and bad times

This is the order of life, you can never pray, wish or even fast them away. It's part and parcel of life. It is how nature works. In a 24 hour day there's both day time and night time which are both part of the existence of a full day. You can't wish away the night not to come, it will come

If all these are mentioned above are going to be part of your journey with that particular person

What should you be asking yourself before you say "I do?"

Before you even agree to be the girlfriend/boyfriend, ask yourself this:

"Am I ready to accept this person with all their strengths and flaws into my life?"

"Am I ready to accept them as they are, without changing anything about them?"

"Am I ready to meet the person I don't know about myself through this person?"

"Am I ready to share all of myself wholeheartedly with this person, with no reservations?"

"Am I ready to get my lessons that are going to come through me being part of this relationship with this person?"

I bet just like myself and most of the people out there, we never ask ourselves these type of questions.

And yet life calls to do. We get so busy analyzing and assuming what we'll get and have in this relationship without even preparing ourselves mentally, emotionally and physically for this journey.

Why do we need to prepare ourselves mentally, emotionally and physically?

That's because we are body, mind and soul. We use our minds to process what we experience and form thoughts about it, use our emotions to feel everything and of course use the body to do the physical experiences.

So when you are in a relationship with a person, you connect with them in 3 ways, physically, mentally and emotionally. That is why it become so difficult to break up especially when you are long into the relationship. The connection goes too deep

What are the things you then need to discuss before you say "I do" especially when getting married?

Step kids - what happens, who stays with who, why, how much involve will we be?

The family dynamics - parents involvement etc.

Finances - you know it's funny that when we meet none of us asks the other to see their bank statement, payslip etc, and yet money is the number 1 reason for a lot of heartaches and break ups

Kids of your own - how many do you want to have, do you even want to have kids?

Future aspirations - where do you individually want to be in the next decades?

Marriage contract - what is best for the two of you vs what you are being told by everyone else it is?

Religion - do believe in the same thing? If not, how do you expect to work around it? You know this one is a big one for many blacks because the expectation is that when you get married you automatically go to the hubby's church, what if he doesn't fellowship anywhere? What if you don't like the church he goes to then what?

It's amazing that a lot of us get to say " I do" but  haven't discussed such issues meanwhile these will be part and parcel of your journey, if they are not already an issue even before you get to this stage

What happens if we don't or didn't discuss all mentioned above and already said "I do?"

Unfortunately you gonna have to deal with the consequences, just like  anything in life, if you don't plan and prepare for what you want, you are already planning and preparing for disaster

So then, what do you do next?

Exit or stay?

Hear all about it in the next article 😍

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