As indicated in the previous article, our relationship with our parents plays a very big role in how we express or show up in our love relationship in our adult life. Read all about it here
Now there's this thing going around giving an impression that this parent child relationship causes more problems than anything else in a relationship.
This article is meant to help you understand what are the dynamics of a parent child relationship within your love relationship or any relationship for that matter.
What is this parent child relationship, what does it mean exactly?
This is a concept that many of us recognizes especially when there's conflict or challenges within a relationship. Where you'll hear one using statements like "she/he doesn't want to grow up", "I feel like she's mothering me" or "He acts like my father".
Many times we use these statements when things are not going well and there's huge problems within a relationship.
But what I'd like us to know is that any form of a relationship is made up of a parent child dynamic. Meaning at any given time you're either playing a role of a child or a parent within a relationship. This is what relationships are for in the first place.
In a partnership you are taking on either a child or parent role. And this we interplay throughout by even exchanging these roles depending on what situation we are in at a time.
So you tell me that in my relationship I either a parent/child?
The simple answer to that is YES.
What we need to understand though is what type of a parent or child are you within your relationship or at any given moment or situation in your relationship.
Are you that nagging child who cries and throws tantrums at every chance they get or are you just a playful, happy and explorative child?
Seemingly, what type of a parent are you? Are you that domineering, strict and my way or the highway type of a parent?
Or
Are you the supportive, loving, kind, disciplinary type of a parent?
This is very important to know as it will give perspective on a type of relationship you're having if it's a loving and healthy one or is it the wounded one.
How do you tell/know which one are you?
If you find yourself in a space where you're fighting more and having more arguments than good loving fun times in your relationship, then you must know the both of you are showing up or expressing the wounded parent child relationship. Meaning you're currently expressing your pain or trauma you either endured as a child from your own parent or you're playing out what you observed between your own parent(s) which hurt you.
How does one change this around, is it even possible?
Yes it is very possible to change your situation and the first thing to do is acknowledging your role and what you're expressing. This is called self-awareness. This is a key to a doorway to finding and receiving help when one acknowledges their part more than that of their partner.
The biggest problem with many relationships is that people never recognizes themselves but more what their partner is or not.
If you want to get the balance or correct the imbalance, you have got to recognize yourself first. It is more like putting your own mask first before giving it to another person or trying to save the other. If you're prone to saving the other person first which is what most people do within their relationship, you're bound to have disaster or even die within that relationship. We had a great conversation with Aubrey the other day on radio on this subject, listen here for more information and perspective
If you find yourself drowning more and more in your relationship or find that you keep meeting the same person you thought you left home either at work or in business, please do book yourself a session with me here so we can help you with that situation.
At the end of it all, there's definitely nothing wrong with parent child relationship unless there's an imbalance and you're showing up more as your wounded self. That's when you need to seek help.
Other than that, enjoy those dynamics because we do need those aspect of ourselves in order to build strong healthy sustainable homes and families.
We'd like to hear from you, comment below or send us an email on portia@theloveacademy.co.za or contact me via Whatsapp here
Take care
Much love
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