What is GBV?
Gender based violence is any form of violence done by a gender to another.
What is sad today is that it has been reduced to violence against women and children only .
I strongly believed that this shortsightedness about this animal in most of our homes is unconsciously perpetuated through the ignorance around this subject. Many campaigns have been done and are still done but the more investment is done, it seems as if it's the more it is happening.
The greatest challenge currently is that GBV is seen and promoted as something that happens to women and girl children. It is this notion that makes me say we unconsciously perpetuate it for when one erases themselves in the equation, the more they are distancing themselves from being the solution they are.
My take is that women are the greatest contributors to GBV
And how do they do that?
Firstly, the truth is that every man or boy out there is raised by a woman. But when something bad happens to this child the woman is never blamed but we are too quick to either blame the absent fathers or even bad friends.
This oversight is exactly what makes this bad seed to grow and multiply itself into so many ways out there. If we want to really fight and win this battle, we need to include ourselves (women) as part of the problem.
Secondly, most women carry a lot of wounds and trauma around motherhood and we are not conscious of it. We think and believe that we are the way we are because we were excluded in a lot of things during apartheid times. While that is very true, we unconsciously exclude ourselves in a lot of things especially when it comes to the naughty and ill disciplined children. The only time we include ourselves is when we play the victim card but never part of the very problem at hand.
What we fail to understand is that you can never be able to bring and be a solution to something that you are not part of. All your solutions will be outsourced from others instead of them coming from within you like when you recognize that you are actually part of the problem.
What are the other ways we promote GBV unconsciously?
Fighting the other woman for whatever reason, instead of facing the monster in the house.
Insulting each other through body shaming, cyber bullying, gossip, PD (pull down) syndrome.
These things start small in our very own households, where children are groomed to behave a certain way instead of allowing them to show us who they are. For example, when giving chores, it's very rare that parents will rotate chores, but instead there will be chores for girls and chores for boys. What happens then to those kids where who they are differs from what you know? Where the boy is more the soft one and the girl more the outdoor one? That child will grow up trying to suffocate who they are so they can fit into this structure formed in the home. And when they grow up, they have to burst out of that bubble and end up hurting the very same person they say the love, because why? Their first experience of being hurt was received through a woman (mother) in the name of discipline.
Then it is a mother who raises kids all by herself because the father is absent. Because they're unconscious and not dealing with the anger that this relationship setup is putting them through, they take it out on children unconsciously so, shouting at them, going as far as saying things like "you're like your father - useless"
These things have become such a norm that we don't think about the impact it is having on the child who will one day be a boyfriend or husband to a girl or woman.
The other most dangerous thing is the belief that it is mainly women that are being abused. When in reality it could be a whole lot of men but it is not seen because they hardly report the abuse they suffer through their parents, partners and/or siblings.
What can we collectively do to drastically change the status quo?
By knowing what type of woman one is. Because women carry the power of multiplication within them. When a woman understands who she is as a supernatural being who has the most powerful 6th sense, only then we will get this thing right, because each woman will understand what type of a woman they are, and so are the man will understand what type of a woman they came through. Knowing this is the greatest gift we as humanity can ever experience.
If you didn't know we have 3 types of women
1. The one who gets married and go build or awaken things from the husband's side, this they've started at their own homes already
2. The one who bores children at home, even from different fathers and those kids never have a relationship with their fathers, not because she doesn't want them to but at times it's because the fathers have chosen to be absent (abazala imilanjwana). These children turn out to be the ones who build and sustain their mother's family home
3. The one who never marry, at most times will have 1 or 2 children which is very rare also, they are the ones that stay behind at home when everyone either dies or marries or never seem to care. They build and maintain their own family home (mafitwa)
Why it's important to know this?
It will help heal the wounds of not having a father which makes most people mainly men to behave a certain way and claim it's because they never had a father. But if they understood they are imilanjwana there won't be a need to go looking for the father you never had because you understand your position in this family.
Similarly, there won't be any pressure put to the women who are meant to stay at home to want to be in marriages they are not meant to be in, this wound of being called names or your children being called names won't be there because you fully understand your position
When we do these, we are now putting things back into the order they are/were meant to be. Instead of using words to destroy each other, we would be better equipped with the right knowledge as to who we truly are and who we are born of.
When we are aware of such things about ourselves, then we as women will not find ourselves multiplying pain and hurt but instead we will use our 6th supernatural sense to create the things we want and that are meant to be instead of that which we don't want.
With all this being said, do you know what type of a woman you are or you were born from?
How is this impacting your life currently?
Should you wish to gain more clarity on this, please don't hesitate to make contact via whatsapp or email: portia@theloveacademy.co.za
Much love
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