What is your sex life saying about you and your life?

With the lock-down happening almost everywhere around the world, and now here in SA. I thought I should share this with you, to help you improve your engagement levels during this trying time 😍

Sex is a very great tool to communicate as well use as a reflector about your life

How, you could be asking?

Let me start by reminding you of the different types of communication. There's written, verbal, non-verbal, i.e. body language. 

So, when you are having sex, you’re communicating using our body. You are communicating to the next person your wants and desires using the body.

It is therefore important to understand that sex is another way to express yourself to the next person without using words

As to what you are communicating to the next person at that stage is entirely up to you and NOT the next person

Question to ask yourself as you engage in sex are?

 “What am I saying to this person about myself?” 

“What do I want him/her to know about me during or through this engagement?”

This mind frame changes the whole ball game all together on how you engage yourself during sex.

It no longer becomes about the other person but about YOU to them. Once you start adopting this mindset then you won’t feel used like most people do or have been without this understanding.

What happens within you before, during  & after sex?

1. Emotions -  what goes on within you? Do you feel any excitement, resentment, anger, frustration, sadness, etc?

2.  Personality - are you the creative, flexible and spontaneous type, always looking to try and do different things? Or are you one for the same place, same time, same style type of person?

3. Feelings - when you are woken up at night (those who have #wake-up partners), how do you feel? Do you see this time as an opportunity to engage with the next person, or do you like me get angry you’ve just been disturbed from your peaceful sleep? 😊

4. Thoughts - when thinking about the person you are doing it with or the one you are about to do it with, what thoughts occupy you about the person? Do you think, he/she is so boring and wish you could be doing it with somebody else? Do you perhaps think, he’s just clueless and don’t know what he’s doing - ladies? Do you think about your ex who did it better than the current or vice versa – comparing? Do you wish he/she was somebody else altogether?

5. Engagement level - during the act, are you fully engaged in it and thoroughly enjoying yourself during whole process or are you the one who thinks about the finish line and not fully engage throughout?

6. Goal - what happens when you don’t get to the finish line (orgasm)? Do you get disappointed, angry or you still feel fulfilled because throughout the act you were fully engaged (mind, body and soul). If you do reach orgasm, do you show gratitude by thanking the next person, or you keep quite or do you turn you back on the other person showing signs of being disinterested?

7. Commitment - do you stick to one partner and try different things with this person or have multiple partners trying different things with them? If you have multiple partners, do they know that there’s others? How are each of them serving your well-being?

 Do you understand what sex is?

Sex is a process and a tool for CREATION.

Through it, generations and seeds are multiplied to keep human species alive in this world.

It is not only the human beings, but even the emotions and energies through which we live by are kept alive through this very same process of creation.

How does it serve as a reflector about your LIFE?

How you answered the questions above, can easily help you identify how you do in other areas of your life. Yes, you heard right 😀

Compare your answers below with what you answered above:

 When you think about your LIFE – all areas (marriage, love relationship, friendship, family, health, job, business, money etc) 

1. Emotions - how do you feel in these areas? Compare your answer to how you answered the above section

2. Personality - how flexible are you to try new things in life? How creative are you in your life to make it colorful? Do you easily adapt to change or resent change?

3. Feelings - When asked to do something out of your comfort zone or when something disrupts your routine, how do you feel? Do you see this as an opportunity to engage in something new and different for your growth or resent or discard the opportunity?

4. Thoughts - when you think about the person you are with now, what thoughts comes to you about the person (judgement, empathy, excitement)? Do you compare him/her to others? HOW ABOUT YOURSELF, how often do you compare yourself to others? How often do you look at others and judge them thinking you can do better than them if given a chance? Do you find yourself wishing you were somebody else or in another person’s shoes and not yours, having that person’s life and not yours?

5. Engagement - when embarking on something (project, business adventure, goal), how do you engage in it. Are you the person that gets excited throughout the process (ups and downs welcomed), or you are those that only gets excited when they get to the finish line (results), throughout the journey of acquiring whatever, you are completely out of tune (disengaged)

6. Goal - if you get different results than you expected (disappointments that points you to a different direction), how do you respond? Do you feel content that you were fully engaged in the process and therefore have learnt valuable lessons throughout the way, or you bit yourself up because you feel that you could have done better?

7. Commitment - do you stick to one thing and get fully engaged in it to make sure you get it right, or do you have many more other things happening at the same time? If more, how are all of these things of value to you?

I'm sure you get the idea of the point I'm putting across to you, that how you do one thing in your life, is highly linked to how you do other things.

I could go on and one, but I’ll leave it here for today.

One thing to remember is that there's no right or wrong answer here, this is just to help you understand how sex serve as a communication tool as well as a reflector to you about yourself. 

As you engage going forward especially now that you've got even the time to think about it, ask yourself this:

What is my current sex life reflecting to me about me about how I show up in life?

Thank you for stepping by. Please leave a comment and share with your loved ones.

Should you wish to engage with me more privately on this matter, please do email: portia@theloveacademy.co.za

And if for whatever reason you're not happy with what came up for you and would like more assistance with changing that, please do reach out. Find out more about me here

Much love